Boys will be boys.  This common idiom may veil the heinous actions adolescent and teenage boys cast upon their male peers.  Bullying can take on many forms, ranging from name-calling, taunting to unwanted physical contact or even sexting, which can leave a target of bullying feeling very vulnerable. Name-calling is not as prevalent among female bullies as it is among males.

Snitching, or tattle-telling, is looked down upon by most students.  In fact, 80 percent of students never report bullying to an adult.  Both bystanders and targets of bullying are fearful of retaliation.  In order to support boys who are the targets of bullying overcome or handle a bullying situation, Beyond Bullies will be implementing a new online and offline campaign that will be addressing and teaching specific strategies that young boys can use against verbal bullying in a "classy" or "cool" fashion while receiving acceptance from their peers.

The saying fight fire with fire however is not applicable against verbal bullies because it is ineffective.  When a male bullying taunts his target, he wants a negative reaction in order to elevate his popularity and power. 

Unfortunately, many male students have been suspended when they have fought back verbally or physically after the bullying took its toll.  The bully wants his target to fight back and to demoralize them.  In an effort to help a target, Beyond Bullies will show boys how to divert the attack in a calm manner, while simultaneously gaining support from surrounding bystanders.

 Written by, Jason Lam

http://www.change.org/petitions/anti-bullying-curricula-needed-in-schools Sign now!

Current anti-bullying policies at most schools are ineffective due to a student’s lack of knowledge when it comes to the effects or consequences of bullying. Studies indicate 50% of students feel that bullying can’t be prevented. They have no strategies to deal with it and sadly, 80% of bullying aren’t reported.

Cyberbullying is harder to stop and control. Students, school personnel and parents need to be educated about the harmful effects of bullying. The time has come for new curricula to be in place that deals with the issues facing students today. There have been too many tragedies in the recent school shootings such as Columbine, Virginia Polytechnic Institute and Oikos University. These students were victims of bullying, and due to the lack of education and preventative bullying programs, they did not have the necessary tools to handle such abuse. The students took matters into their own hands and went on bloody rampages in their schools – killing andharming many of their peers.

How can you pass this on to parents, students, school administrators, school board members or the PTA? Click on the link to view a http://beyondbullies.org/take-action-now/letter-to-school-faculty-requesting-bullying-curricula/Sample Letter/Statement to help you: With this letter, you can: •Contact your school’s principal •Contact Members of the school site council •Ask to speak at faculty member meetings •Educate yourself on the impact bullying has on children.

Be prepared to answer questions about the psychological impacts of bullying on children, how it will compliment and not put an undo strain on teachers. In California, for example, after students take their state exams in April, teachers will have more time and may be more receptive. Many middle schools haveLife Science classes and having an anti-bullying curriculum integrated in the class can beneficial. By having your school’s website include a link to beyondbullies.org, you are helping students and school personnel, as well as parents, evaluate school safety before sending their children to school. Please sign the petition.

The 7^th Annual Tools for Transformation Conference kicks off with a legislative breakfast with stakeholders, elected officials, corporate executives, non-profit leaders, anti-bullying organizations, prison reform coalitions, and thought leaders will engage in a meaningful dialog that addresses some of our communities most complex issues.  The first day of the conference begins Friday, April 12^th at the Radisson, Midtown by USC.

While Republicans and Democrats wrestle with gun control, advocates at the conference will call on legislators to enact tougher gun control laws, while others are say laws don’t go far enough.  They say the solution is financial resources for mental health and developmental disability services. 

More than three hundred students will participate in an anti-bullying summit that will address how to tackle bullying as well as look at why children bully. The conference is free of charge and open to the public.  On Saturday, April 13^th, sixteen workshops on school violence, bullying and challenges, facing children with special needs.  Both days are free of charge and childcare is available on Saturday at the conference, which is being held at the Junior Blind of America in Los Angeles.

Beyond Bullies founder and executive director, Melissa Sherman will speak at 11:15 a.m. on Saturday during the session titled:  Helping Your Special Needs Child Address and Deal with Bullying.  Sherman says, “Unfortunately, children who appear or act differently tend to get bullied disproportionally more.”  She will discuss how children, caretakers and parents can identify, handle and report bullying.

This is the only free educational, advocacy and disability rights conference held in South Los Angeles. In addition to the 12 workshops, breakfast, lunch, advocate’s summit, reception and resource fair, the Learning Rights Center will be at the conference on Saturday with three attorneys who will provide free legal advice and counsel to participants.

How Girls Bully to Destroy Other Girls’ who threaten their Social Status

Almost any teenage girl can quickly identify with the returning hit show, Pretty Little Liars. In this girl-drama, a group of girls are being tormented by an anonymous threat either by text message or in other creative ways. The show is all about a friend of theirs who was murdered a few years ago supposedly by the same person who is harassing them.

When it comes down to it, it is all about popularity in the world of a teenage girl. While in everyday life a murder is not thrown into the mix like on PLL, the relational aggression that is constantly being used in high school is a serious issue.

Relational aggression may be considered psychological abuse aimed to lower an individual’s (or group of individuals’) self-esteem. It can take the form of name-calling, gossiping and exclusion. This form of bullying is often overlooked as “normal teenage girl behavior” and is more common among teenage girls than teenage boys.

Girls often use manipulation as a means of getting what they want. In the show, the four girls fall victim to this anonymous number in every episode. The girls feel trapped and compelled to follow the lead of the group’s leader and go along with the other girls in the clique.  Feeling cornered by an aggressor is a very unpleasant feeling that many girls can relate to. While most teens are not being manipulated by the thought of someone being murdered like on PLL, simple things regarding their reputation or social status can make girls vulnerable. Cell phones and social networking sites like Facebook play a huge role in how girls bully other girls. Take this scenario for example:

Josie was competing against another girl for the spot of class president. While they were both fully qualified for the position, the other girl received the most votes and won the election. Josie is a more reserved individual, and the other girl sees herself as top of the food chain material. Winning the election was not enough for her though. This girl felt the need to message Josie on Facebook and elaborately explain why people like her better. She writes messages to her telling her “you are set up to fail and will always have the lesser votes in anything you shoot for." When the two were no longer Facebook “friends”, Josie started getting text messages and anonymous phone calls with demeaning messages such as, "you were never cut out for it anyway."

As minute as this drama can seem, it’s very harmful for someone like Josie, who would never be able to stand up to it. People who are on the shy side are more prone to soak up all of the negativity and not defend themselves. Having bystanders and friends simply watch as she carries out her agenda to make other girls’ reputations sink makes a bully feel empowered. Popularity becomes more important than doing the right thing or taking the side of someone who is judged as unpopular.  So what can you do?

One strategy that seems to work is not to show a negative reaction when you’re bullied. Confidence and a smile makes bullies feel they have failed. You can’t just appear to be the bigger person; you need to feel like it. If you feel and appear more confident and powerful, there’s nothing that can be said to you by them that would even faze you. That’s not always possible though, a shy person will be a shy person, and there’s really not much that you can personally do. That’s when others need to get involved. It may seem embarrassing to have an authority figure involved, but they are the only ones who can set the record straight.

With shows like Pretty Little Liars that depict bullying as a crazy thriller, it’s very easy to fall victim to relational aggression and not recognize it. “Normal” teenage girl behavior is NOT gossiping etc., that's bulling. And, if you know how to spot it, you have to learn and know how to end it.

Written by, Leda Costa, a volunteer with beyondbullies.org

Warning Signs of Bullying 

An Interview with Internationally Recognized Bullying Expert Michal Kolář

Dr. Michal Kolář is a psychotherapist who has been treating bullying for more than 30 years. He has created a special theory and methodology for the diagnosis and treatment of bullying at schools. He also works with the International and European Observatories on School Violence.

In my interview with Michal Kolář, he talked to me about the difficulty parents have when their children suffer from bullying.  In his book, A New Way to Treat Bullying, Michal writes about the signals parents can look for if their child is a target of bullying. Michal says bullying signs can be difficult to detect and parents who do notice that something is wrong with their child often find that it is very frustrating to get help from teachers and administrators.

Michal explains that when a parent tries to talk to teachers or administrators, they are quick to point fingers and tell them that their child provoked the situation or in some instances started it.  It is common for a parent to hear there was not enough evidence, their child yelled or pushed the bully and no witnesses.  Additionally, often times, when the target and the bully are both suspended and then come back to school, there are no consequences in place to protect the target from the bully or their friends. 

If school polices are in place but do not provide teachers with specific consequences for bullying behavior, children are in jeopardy of being harmed.  Many children, whether they have a good relationship with their parents or not have a difficult time admitting that other kids are mean to them or carrying out a campaign to ruin their reputations.  A target of bullying often believes that somehow they caused the bullying or in some way deserved it.  Michal says, “Admitting to an adult that other kids laugh, push or make fun of you can be a very shameful experience.” Making matters worse is a home environment where siblings or parents put down or ignore the child’s feelings, increasing their insecurities and low self-esteem.  

Weekly, there are stories about parents who are shocked and saddened to learn that their child was a target of bullying.  Their cries for help do not have to go unseen or undone by parents.  In fact, “Individual signals do not necessarily denote bullying“, he explains.  He places much more significance on the context of the situation, the repetition and frequency of symptoms.  His work was written up for the Ministry of Education. (Guideline Minister of Education, Youth and Sports to prevent and address bullying among school pupils and school facilities)

Signs and Signals of Bullying

• The child does not have friends over or seems to have no friends.

• The child is subdued, sad and depressed.
• S/he suffers from poor sleep, sleep disorders and nightmares.
• They have a lack of interest in participating in sports, family dinners or events.
• Before going to school or after school, complains about headaches, stomach aches, etc.
• Many children visit a doctor or say they are sick before school to avoid bullies.  

• Children may go to school or from school using detours.
• Students may come home with torn clothes, damaged or missing backpack & school aids.
• Make different excuses for losing lunch money and require more money.
• Children may come home hungry even when snacks and lunch were provided at school.
• Child cannot satisfactorily explain his injuries: a black eye, scrapes, bruises,
    slight concussions, a broken or pulled bone, burns, etc.

• Sudden drop in grades and no interest in studying
• Threatens suicide or attempts it

”There are some children that do try to talk to their parents about their difficulties at school,” Kolář says.  “In the beginning stages of bullying, there are cases when the child finds the strength and courage to talk to their parents.  It is very important that when a child opens up about a humiliating experience that a parent should listen, show emotional support and take everything they say seriously. Unfortunately, many parents are act surprised when they first learn about the bullying.  They often react inappropriately.  The only right attitude is to stand firm in love for the child.”

Written by, Melissa Sherman, Executive Director, Beyond Bullies www.beyondbullies.org

Sad, But True

Unfortunately, Amanda is not the only teenager who has committed suicide after being the victim of cyberbullying.  As teens use the Internet more often—doing things like downloading photos, participating in social media websites, and chatting online with people they may have never met in person—online bullying is now something that they have to contend with.

There are many online anti-cyberbullying sites where you can report bullying from your own home.  Software that provides firewall protection in addition to parental controls adds another level of security. To learn more about how to protect youth from cyberybullies online, you can read more about each social media protections on the Beyond Bullies Web site. 

The CyberBully Hotline Web site is an anti-bullying system that uses an anonymous, two-way reporting system that routes calls directly to school officials. Because cybersecurity is one of our country’s most important issues, President Obama declared October to be National Cyber Security Awareness Month.

What to Watch For

In order to help our teenagers avoid being bullied online, parents and educators should be aware of the signs that something is amiss. As a National Crime Prevention Council (NCPC) article noted, youth who are engaging in  cyberbullying often pretend they are other people online in order to fool others, trick people into telling them personal information, and post photos of others without their permission.

Although cyberbullies typically do not think that their behavior is a big deal, and at times think it’s a joke, the suffering caused by them is no laughing matter.  There are many ways young people can empower themselves against online bullies. These include, blocking communication with the aggressor, deleting their emails and usernames from a “buddylist”, IM or friend’s list or reporting the problem to an Internet service provider or website moderator.

What to Do

The NCPC noted that many young people have figured out on their own how to prevent cyberbullying by doing things like refusing to pass along mean messages online, stopping all communication with the cyberbully and reporting the problem to a trusted adult.

“The key to helping children is having a trusting relationship where feelings can be shared, says Melissa Sherman, the executive director of Beyond Bullies. Without a close relationship, youth may be less inclined to tell you if people are spreading rumors about them, taunting them or threatening them online,” adds Sherman.  

You want children to have their freedom, but there are responsibilities that come with it.  Sharing or posting any personal information online, including their address, full name, telephone number or school name should be off limits.

Written by, Jennifer Stone

When we think about bullying, often the thought of parents bullying their children are not the images we associate with it. While the situation at home may be one that is intolerable, there are adult role models, such as counselors at school, coaches, aunts or uncles and other adult figures that young people can turn to for support. Beyond Bullies also offers an online confidential chat for bullied teens by their peers.

Fifteen-year-old Beyond Bullies volunteer, Semara, (last name not used for privacy) studied the five-step recovery model in Karyl McBride’s book, Will I Ever Be Good Enough, to shed light on the steps children can take to protect themselves against parents who bully them.   

Tough Love is an expression often used when you treat someone harshly or sternly to bring about some positive change.

There is usually love behind a veil of toughness, but what happens when this power parents’ use gets out of hand and how can we tell the difference between what is genuine or what is deceptively done to hinder us?

As children, we see images of the stereotypical family; a loving and comforting mother and the kind and protective father, always encouraging and supporting their kids every step of the way. For many of us, this could not be farther from reality.

Some of us may not face our bullies outside at school, but within the walls of the very place, we call home. Whether your mom or dad says phrases such as, “You’ll never be good enough!” or “Can’t you do anything right you ___?” can be very commonly spewed out by them, much more so than genuine encouragement, acceptance or love.

Bullied children may have several experiences of their parents insulting them in front of relatives or maybe even strangers. A parent sharing your faults with others repeatedly can be humiliating and unfair. Others may now label you as the undisciplined or angry child, while the parents look like the concerned authorities.

When adults are talking about you, it is difficult to stand up for yourself.  Adults are more adept at getting their points across and most children are not able to communicate calmly and logically in order to defend themselves.

This type of adult bullying can also extend to teachers who talk to other teachers about you, which can also tarnish your reputation.

When your parents and the adults you trust are putting you down and insulting you, it can hurt your self-esteem and can extend to anything you do in life. It can lead to wounds that can never be recognized or healed and maybe even the root to some of our issues we currently face as adults.

Children may suffer from social anxiety as a result and try to please everyone around us out of desperation to win approval, the one we have never gotten from our parents. Some may end up as overachievers while others may end up as underachievers; believing they really are good for nothing, so why even bother to try?

Semmy contributed to the article. She is a 15-year-old high school student from Malaysia.

An Innocent Flirtation Can Alter Your Life Forever

While sexting is becoming more and more popular, so is ignorance toward its consequences. Sending, receiving, or forwarding sexually explicit photographs or messages via an electronic device falls under the category of sexting. The real trouble begins when minors get involved.

A study conducted by the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy shows that 51% of teen girls feel pressured to send/post sexually suggestive content.

There are many reasons why girls send semi-nude or nude photos. If their peers are sexting, there is more pressure on them to conform. Many are experimenting with their sexuality and wanting to feel sexy or dealing with pressures from a boyfriend, friend, or stranger.

What begins as playful flirting may have serious repercussions. Sending as photo with the intent to harm another person, may be considered cyber bullying and child pornography.

The most common scenario is when a young couple sends each other an explicit photograph, but one of them decides to send it to their friends, after they breakup.  

Having your photos exposed to the student body in a very private way can have a detrimental effect on that student’s performance in school, social life, and attitude at home. Unfortunately, there have been many incidents where teens felt so humiliated when their photos were texted to students at school they ended their lives. 

For many parents who have lost their children to suicide after their pictures were shared at school, this is a very serious matter. So far, there has been child pornography charges filed against some teens in the United States.  Being a registered sex-offender before hitting age 20 is something that can very well ruin a future with goals that were once attainable. Charges relating to child pornography may affect a student’s chances at getting a job. Consequences include but are not limited to jail time, expulsion from school, organizations, sports teams, etc. If charged, the law will put you on the same level as those who have molested, raped and explicitly photographed children.

Pointing, whispering, ignoring, or making fun of a victim of such humiliation are ways that make a passerby just another bully. Treating this person as if you would treat them without the incident is the right path to take.

There are countless articles written, studies done, and television specials made to educate the public about these things and it’s as easy as turning on the computer or the TV. Just a simple talk can be the difference, and it is especially effective if it is all discussed before giving phone and social networking privileges. It’s always a good reminder that texting and being on social sites is a privilege, and if this privilege is taken advantage of, a world of consequences can follow.

Leda Costa, a volunteer with Beyond Bullies, http://www.beyondbullies.org contributed to the article,

Studies indicate that bullying spikes in middle school. Students impacted by bullying are most vulnerable to peer pressure and falling grades. The Beyond Bullies Teen Leadership program provides an opportunity for teens to talk about subjects such as, cyberbullying and sexting in a way that their peers can understand and ultimately protect themselves. BB fills this tech void while integrating creative methods to reach young people. Your donation help will jump-start a very critical program that will have the potential to reach schools spread throughout the country. Protect students now. Your donation will make a difference.

http://www.crowdrise.com/beyondbulliesteenlea1/fundraiser/beyondbullies

The Parliament of Victoria Australia’s Law Reform Committee is meeting with Beyond Bullies to discuss sexting among adolescents and teens. 

The committee is currently conducting an inquiry on sexting – the sharing of sexually explicit content on electronic devices. The committee intends to travel to Canada and the United States to gain an international perspective on legislative and policy responses to sexting and cyber-bullying.

“Sexting can have severe consequences for minors, yet a large percentage of youth are willing to take the risk to use sexting as a means to share nude or partially nude photos. One sext can result in jail time, expulsion from school, sports teams, rejections from colleges and future employment,” says Sherman. 

Members of the committee will meet with Sherman to discuss the legal issues that can arise from sexting, approaches to educate teens on the harmful effects of sexting as well obtaining general information about the phenomenon of sexting.

Beyond Bullies assist teens to become involved in leadership positions in their schools by providing opportunities for them online and offline to become aware, confident and caring role models.